Preparing for departure
Deciding to leave your spouse is a difficult choice to make. If you feel that your safety and that of your children is threatened, trust yourself. The priority is your well-being and that of your children, both physically and psychologically.
Since the departure is often hasty in the context of domestic violence, we suggest that you think about a protection scenario and prepare certain effects in order to be ready when the time comes. We are here to help you, you can phone maison Hina to discuss it.
In case of emergency :
Dial 911
Shout as loud as possible to alert neighbors
Leave safely
Control strategies and forms of violence can vary from one abuser to another. That is why some of the suggestions offered here may not apply to your situation. The key is to develop a protection plan that takes into account your reality, your needs, and what you consider safe. It may also be helpful to review it from time to time, to keep it fresh in your mind or adapt it if your situation changes. Having a clear plan can make all the difference if you need to leave quickly.
Be Ready
If you can, prepare a bag with your personal belongings and important documents (for you and your children) for a quick departure (see list below). Keep them safe, for example in your car, at a trusted person, or in a discreet place at home.
Have a Haven
You can contact SOS Violence Conjugale to check the possibility of obtaining a place in a shelter. Maybe someone close to you (neighbor, friend, family member) could welcome you temporarily, or offer you a safe place to make a call and wait for a taxi in case of emergency.
Firearms
If firearms are present, make sure they are secure, ideally under lock and key. See if it is possible to hide or remove the ammunition. In case of danger, do not hesitate to contact the police for them to intervene.
Localisation
It may be that your spouse can locate you, especially by your phone or your car. Consider disabling geolocation in your apps and settings. It may also be useful to have your phone and vehicle professionally checked for any hidden monitoring devices.
Personal information
Take the time to gather your passwords and login information (emails, social networks, bank accounts, etc.). It will help you keep control over your important documents and protect your information. If you think your spouse knows certain passwords, don’t hesitate to change them.
Means of transportation
Think about what you could use to get around in case of emergency (car, public transport, taxi, trusted person who could come to pick you up). Make sure your vehicle has gas, the keys are easily accessible, and check if the car is in M.’s name, as he might have access if you leave with it.
inform children
Without scaring them, you can start telling them that it is possible that you will have to leave quickly one day. Calmly explain to them what to do in an emergency: where to go, who to call, and how to ask for help. A code word or simple signal can also be useful for discreetly communicating with them or alerting someone safely.
Memorize
Apprenez par cœur le numéro de la Maison Hina (450 346-1645) ou de SOS Violence Conjugale (1 800 363-9010). Pour plus de discrétion, enregistrez-les sous un autre nom dans votre téléphone.
Plan B-C-D
Think about other possible options in case of emergency: a place to go, a contact person, a different way to leave quickly. Having multiple plans can make a big difference.
Share
If you are in a relationship of violence, thinking about leaving or have already left, call us. A Hina House worker can accompany you to establish with you a protection scenario adapted to your situation, in complete safety. We are here, day and night, at the 450 346-1645.
Take-out list
At the shelter, we have what it takes to help you if you don’t have time to bring the necessary effects. We will find solutions together. It will also be possible to collect other personal effects after your departure.
In a suitcase or bag you can place as many items as possible, without compromising your safety.
Personal belongings
- Clothing: underwear, clothes suitable for the season, comfortable shoes, sleepwear.
- Medications: those for you and your children.
- Hygiene items: toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, deodorant, sanitary napkins, etc.
- Keys: of the house, the car, and any other essential keyring.
- Mobile phone: with its charger.
- Money: cash, credit cards, checks.
- Personal items: jewelry, photos, significant memories.
- Items for children: toys, stuffed animals, soft toys, school effects.
- Anything else you consider essential in the event of a hasty departure
Important Documents
- Identity documents: social insurance card (SIN), health insurance card, driver’s license, passport.
- Civil status documents: birth certificates, marriage or civil union certificate.
- Legal documents: court judgment, lease or title deeds, loan or mortgage documents.
- Tax documents: latest tax reports (federal and provincial), notice of assessment.
- School documents: children’s school reports, certificates of schooling.
- Immigration documents :if applicable, documents related to citizenship or immigration status.
- Medical documents: health records, prescriptions.
- Financial documents: bank books, statements, credit cards.